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Why does it hurt so much so much?

Aug 23, 2023

Without a doubt, infidelity hurts. A lot. But it may not be for the reasons you think.

We get married with the expectation that we will be the one and only for our spouse. When this expectation isn’t met, there’s pain. A lot of pain. But is it the circumstance or the thoughts we have about the circumstance that are painful? Our thoughts, if left unchecked, can run wild when infidelity is discovered. Some of these thoughts are completely unuseful and can hold you back from recovery. Even worse, our thoughts can sometimes create far more pain than is necessary. How do you separate the thoughts that are useful and necessary to process the pain versus the thoughts that are not serving you at all? The answer is thought work. Thought work is the process of examining your brain. First, to find out what’s in there. What are you thinking about what has happened in your relationship? What do you think it means? Once you begin to uncover the thoughts buried in your brain, you can take a look at what they are creating for you. Are they helping you move forward? Are they helping you heal? Or are they keeping you stuck or holding you back? 

Woman Breathing Fresh Air — El Paso, TX — Kristin Romney Coaching

Thought work is a unique approach to recovering from infidelity. The good news is that thought work focuses on you, not your spouse or your relationship, but YOU. No matter what your spouse does, no matter what happens in your relationship, you have the power to heal yourself. In fact, you are the only one who can heal you.

Man Having Online Consultation — El Paso, TX — Kristin Romney Coaching

My partner was unfaithful. Should I stay or should I go?

23 Aug, 2023
You have just found out your partner has been unfaithful. Or maybe you have known for a long time. You may be wondering if you should try to work it out or just call it quits.
Cheating Husband — El Paso, TX — Kristin Romney Coaching

Can my spouse change or “once a cheater always a cheater”?

23 Aug, 2023
This is a question I hear often from my clients. The short answer is yes. If they want to. True change has to come from within your spouse. It’s important for you, the betrayed spouse, to know that you cannot control whether or not your spouse will change. Here’s what you can control: whether or not you will change. Even if you have done nothing wrong, you are part of a dynamic that exists in your marriage. When you change, the dynamic also changes. Your spouse will then have to adapt to the new dynamic. When this happens, your marriage will begin to change for the better or it will end. Either way, you’ll have your answer. I am not suggesting you can fix your marriage all by yourself. A marriage does take two people doing the work, (and your spouse will have definitely have their work to do) but you can only control your part. Focusing on your spouse’s work is a waste of emotional energy. You are responsible only for yourself.
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