Can my spouse change or “once a cheater always a cheater”?

This is a question I hear often from my clients. The short answer is yes. If they want to. True change has to come from within your spouse. It’s important for you, the betrayed spouse, to know that you cannot control whether or not your spouse will change. Here’s what you can control: whether or not you will change. Even if you have done nothing wrong, you are part of a dynamic that exists in your marriage. When you change, the dynamic also changes. Your spouse will then have to adapt to the new dynamic. When this happens, your marriage will begin to change for the better or it will end. Either way, you’ll have your answer. I am not suggesting you can fix your marriage all by yourself. A marriage does take two people doing the work, (and your spouse will have definitely have their work to do) but you can only control your part. Focusing on your spouse’s work is a waste of emotional energy. You are responsible only for yourself.