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My partner was unfaithful. Should I stay or should I go?

Wed, 23 Aug 2023 18:52:29 GMT

You have just found out your partner has been unfaithful. Or maybe you have known for a long time. You may be wondering if you should try to work it out or just call it quits.

What will happen to the kids?

What will my friends and family think?

What kind of relationship will we have if I stay?

What about finances if I decide to go?

You’ve been spinning in your mind about what to do. One day you’re sure you want to work it out, the next day you just want out. You wonder what you did wrong. You wonder why you weren’t enough for your partner. You wonder if you can ever trust again. You wonder if you’re ever going to feel normal again. You’ve looked everywhere for answers.

But you’re still stuck.

I can help.

After working with me, you’ll have the tools to confidently move forward and make decisions about your relationship. Should you stay or should you leave? Only you can decide, but I can help you uncover the thoughts that are keeping you stuck and help you get to a place where you can make this decision with confidence. And feel peace. Either way.

My program is the solution for men and women who want to move forward after betrayal. This program is for anyone who wants to leave the hurt behind and be happy again!

How does it work?

For ten weeks I will coach you one on one for an hour each week via Zoom. You will have a short reading assignment and a worksheet to complete each week. I will help you uncover the thoughts that are causing you pain and keeping you from moving forward. Because I have been where you are, I can help you understand your thoughts and help you see things in new ways that will help you move forward.

Why does it hurt so much so much?

Wed, 23 Aug 2023 18:42:01 GMT

Without a doubt, infidelity hurts. A lot. But it may not be for the reasons you think.

We get married with the expectation that we will be the one and only for our spouse. When this expectation isn’t met, there’s pain. A lot of pain. But is it the circumstance or the thoughts we have about the circumstance that are painful? Our thoughts, if left unchecked, can run wild when infidelity is discovered. Some of these thoughts are completely unuseful and can hold you back from recovery. Even worse, our thoughts can sometimes create far more pain than is necessary. How do you separate the thoughts that are useful and necessary to process the pain versus the thoughts that are not serving you at all? The answer is thought work. Thought work is the process of examining your brain. First, to find out what’s in there. What are you thinking about what has happened in your relationship? What do you think it means? Once you begin to uncover the thoughts buried in your brain, you can take a look at what they are creating for you. Are they helping you move forward? Are they helping you heal? Or are they keeping you stuck or holding you back?

Thought work is a unique approach to recovering from infidelity. The good news is that thought work focuses on you, not your spouse or your relationship, but YOU. No matter what your spouse does, no matter what happens in your relationship, you have the power to heal yourself. In fact, you are the only one who can heal you .

Can my spouse change or “once a cheater always a cheater”?

Wed, 23 Aug 2023 18:29:48 GMT

This is a question I hear often from my clients. The short answer is yes. If they want to. True change has to come from within your spouse. It’s important for you, the betrayed spouse, to know that you cannot control whether or not your spouse will change. Here’s what you can control: whether or not you will change. Even if you have done nothing wrong, you are part of a dynamic that exists in your marriage. When you change, the dynamic also changes. Your spouse will then have to adapt to the new dynamic. When this happens, your marriage will begin to change for the better or it will end. Either way, you’ll have your answer. I am not suggesting you can fix your marriage all by yourself. A marriage does take two people doing the work, (and your spouse will have definitely have their work to do) but you can only control your part. Focusing on your spouse’s work is a waste of emotional energy. You are responsible only for yourself.

So how do you change? By examining your thought patterns. What do you believe about yourself? What kind of spouse are you? What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses? What do you believe about your spouse? What are his/her strengths and weaknesses? What do you believe about your marriage? After answering these questions, go back and notice the feelings these beliefs are creating for you. Are these beliefs serving you or do you want to believe new things and create different results? Our lives are a reflection of our thoughts. If you want to see changes in your life you must start with a change in thoughts. Stop focusing on whether or not your spouse can change and decide to change yourself. The key to healing is in your mind.